Bodily Fluids Will Be Discussed

There is something altogether indulgent and simultaneously depressing about a Monday spent primarily beneath one's covers. After hacking up the contents of my lungs since last week (and subsequently nearly peeing my pants each time this happened), I decided something had to give. A day in bed might be a necessary item on my agenda if I was ever to recover. So a substitute teacher was called for, and today I've strictly obeyed the following routine:

Drug up on anything with a label mentioning pain/congestion/cough/stuffy nose
Cough
Pee
Blow nose
Sleep
Cough
Pee
Deliriously wander to the couch to see if there is anything on television
Cough
Pee
Blow nose
Get annoyed by daytime television
Google "bronchitis" and "pneumonia" and other diseases of the lungs
Cough
Pee
Blow Nose
And, lest you think that peeing came from no where, drinking plenty of liquids
Repeat as necessary

As I lay in bed listening to my own wheezing lungs trying to carefully suck in air so as not to set off yet another coughing fit (and subsequent near peeing of pants), feeling worried that the ($25 I DON'T really have) doctor's visit Thursday was probably too early to detect the pneumonia that by now must be killing me, I heard life going on outside my window. Cars would pass. Dogs would bark. By this afternoon, kids were walking home from school. Those same noises that in the morning hours I was more than happy to turn my convulsively coughing back to have, in the course of my misery, suddenly become desirable (except the barking dog because that's just annoying).

If my body is listening, I am ready to be out among the living again. Any time you're ready. I'm quite finished with an obsession in all things fluid.