Just Pin It

Pinterest. Either you "get it" or you don't. I totally get it. Even still, I have some thoughts, ruminations, and questions about this addictive vortex that consumes free time I don't actually have.

1. Why would I ever, in the name of all that is good and holy, make my own cheese? I am neither dairy farmer nor cheese monger. I am a cheese buyer, a cheese consumer. I feel okay about that. The convenience of buying pre-packaged cheese that goes in the cart with the rest of my grocery items feels well worth the money. I feel my free time is valuable. I prefer not to spend my Saturday in pursuit of mozzarella.

2. To the person who pins "Fudgie-Caramel-Gooey-Delicious-Nutella-Cupcake-Snickers-Cheesecake from scratch with only 3 ingredients" next to "6 simple steps to flat abs": I hate you. Your first pin makes my mouth water for something I will never actually make or taste in this lifetime. It drives me to the kitchen where I usually settle for eating Nutella straight out of the jar with my finger. Your second pin makes me feel like a guilty, gluttonous pig-beast with the Nutella stains to prove it.

3. I have enough trouble painting my nails without looking like I stuck my fingers in the garbage disposal. I will never put that much effort into my nails. Ever. They'll chip 2 hours after the fact. I think everyone knows deep down that those insanely intricate manicures are photoshopped.

4. That awkward moment when you come across a really funny pin, but its creator misuses there/they're/their or some other spelling/grammatical debacle--like, I dunno, a poorly constructed sentence fragment filled with dependent clauses. (See previous sentence.) My heart breaks just a little. I cannot, in good conscience, re-pin it.

5. I'm not putting my salad in a jar. 

A. Most of the jars I own are the remnants of gifts from crafty people who do things like canning their own small and delicate jars of jam--jars that are far too small for a salad.

B. This seems like the worst way to ensure the salad dressing doesn't get on the majority of the salad. Furthermore, how do you get your fork down into the bottom of the jar without making a hot mess out of your hand?

C.I get it, mason jars are cute and hip and humble. But I draw the line at salad.

6. Sometimes I have an inappropriate sense of humor. Sometimes I come across a pin that connects with that inappropriate sense of humor on a "soul mates" kind of level. There are only about 3 people in this world that wouldn't judge me a heathen if I pinned these. Usually I end up emailing it to them. Or taking a picture and texting it. Because sometimes the F-word makes me laugh. Cat's outta the bag.

7. Really? Are you sure Shakespeare said that? I think you might want to at least check on the iambic pentameter. 

8. I blame Pinterest for the fact that my bed has been peed on in the night 5 times since December and for the two destroyed kitchen rugs. Pins of cute animals lead to bringing one into your home. You've been warned.

9. Let's be honest. I'm going to pin this genius idea/beauty tip/craft/home improvement idea. And then, instead of spending time actually doing it, I'm just going to get on Pinterest and pin more pins. That is the rule, right?

 

10. I have a dream wedding board. You have a dream wedding board. We all have a dream wedding board. Get over it. Most women like weddings. Whether single, actually planning a wedding, or regretting the hideous glamourous 80's spectacle of their blessed nuptials so many years ago. Yay weddings!