Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Totally Tasteless TMI Tuesday: The Lady Doctor

**To my few and far between male readers, you probably don't want to proceed. Consider yourselves thoroughly warned.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, loves going to the doctor. Unless you have Munchausen syndrome--in which case, it probably isn't an MD that you need. But there are certain doctors that offer a slightly more awkward experience. Yesterday was my annual check up with the Ob/Gyn. Thanks to an insurance switch, this doc is new to me. My nerves and sick stomach the morning prior to said appointment made me wonder why this annual ritual was so dreaded. I came up with the following during my experiences with the lady doctor.

In no particular order, the top 8 things I could do without at the gynecologist:

1. Waiting. It is a doctors office and waiting is part of the game, I know. But waiting makes me even more nervous.
2. Shaving like it's your wedding night.
3. Peeing in a cup.
4. Public weighings.
5. Calming yourself, "Relax, relax, relax," during the blood pressure check. I fear my nervous state will make it look like I have high blood pressure. Yes, I see this as evidence that I'm neurotic.
6. Making small talk about the weather or your job during the breast and/or pelvic exam.
7. Avoiding any and all eye contact during aforementioned exams. (Read: the fluorescent lights are our friends.)
8. Resisting the urge to ask, "So how did you decide on gynecology?" (I can't help it; this question pops into my head. Every. Single. Time.)

Like I said: Totally Tasteless TMI Tuesday. But not so tasteless as to include any type of visual.


Stephanie said...

I actually laughed right out loud at this :) And I agree. At my last appointment, I determined that pretty high up on the awkward scale is leaving your socks on. Especially when they are knee-high fishnets, and they prompt your doctor to tell you how much they like them, and ask where you bought them, while you lay there, mortified, wondering why you didn't just take the damn things off. (For the record, probably because the room was 3 degrees, and my toes were frozen!

Shannon said...

I always love the "annual." There's nothing quite like feeling thoroughly violated in every way, shape, and form, and talking so politely during the entire process. My mom gave me comforting advice, and I'll pass it on to you now: "It never, ever, ever gets any easier." If that isn't comforting, I just don't know what is.

Jen said...

I had a friend who did them on her birthday, so she wouldn't forget. They are the worst.

Wendy said...

Hee Hee Hee!! SO totally agree with every thing on your list... especially the shaving like it's your wedding day. :)

Alice said...

Hahaha! I love this post. Glad your exam was a success even if there is no one to appreciate your finely shaven self.

I get axiety about the blood pressure thing too. What if I get the wrong answer?

Libby said...

I think I can top that sister! I've worked in my dad's office (remember, he's a gyno) for about 7 years now. So having your annual check done by your skinny, successful co-worker year after year=pretty embarrassing.

P.S. I always get asked if I "see" my dad. H to the L no! He employs some midwives. Still awkward, but at least not disgusting.

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma said...

Just found your blog--loving it!
Gotta love a girl who can write--and boy can you ever!
Loving your writing style, loving what you have to share, loving everything--especially this post!

Keep it up, because you rock!