Words Escape Me

When it comes to the fashion "sense" of adolescents, little surprises me. In case you hadn't received the memo, the 80s are returning. Leg warmers are frequently slouching beneath desks, stone-washed purple jeans and other atrocities reminiscent of my childhood are slinking into my classroom after the bell. Some students prefer to move in four extra sizes of clothing, while some gender-benders have been found squeezing their chicken legs into the skinny cut jeans in the girls' section. Yes, adolescents and appearance-self-expression go hand-in-hand.

I've seen almost everything and I am rarely shocked. But today, while driving home from work, I saw something sauntering down the sidewalk that stretched my tolerance for fashion freedom.

Picture a teenage girl in a short, pleated plaid skirt. But not just any school-girl skirt. Oh no, this one had an accessory.



Yes, you guessed correctly there. Swinging in rhythm with the mini-skirt was one of these atrocities you see above. I'd seen this grotesque "something extra" once before on one of those hopeless individuals who spends a week with Clinton and Stacy on What Not to Wear. I thought that person was, perhaps, just that special, endearingly eccentric kind that frequents WNTW, that the tail was a fluke. But no, no, no. Never fear. These dead rodent unnecessaries placed (in the correct anatomical position) exactly where one's tailbone ends, are available far and wide. And on ebay.

And I say here again: Sometimes the words just escape me.